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36 yesterday in Nassau

I have never been to a beach in Nassau.  Typically when I have time off here I go to a bar and have a couple of Kalick golds and get frustrated by how slow the internet is.  But a bunch of people were going to a beach and I thought that, having the afternoon off and no patients later that a couple of beers on the beach would be nice.

One of the guys going is the shore excursions manager and we asked him to suggest a good beach.  He did, but no one listened.  They all wanted to go to the beach at Altlantis which is a big hotel.  He told us that it is the worst beach in the Bahamas but when spa girls make up their minds about something experience and logic need not apply. 

That beach was a short cab ride from the ship and almost as long a walk from where we got dropped off.  The sand was nice and white, pretty sure they truck in that sand, but maybe I am wrong. 

So the beach chairs were over priced $10, in St Maarten (a much nicer beach) you can get two chairs an umbrella and a bucket of beer for $20, $15 if you negotiate. 

A can of Kalick was $5.00, Geez you gonna kiss me first?  But the winner was the coconuts.  You can get a coconut filled with your favorite drink, Pina Colada (I tasted someones and it was disgusting) or some other sort of rum concoction, but you get 4 refills for $20.  I didn’t get one, but as you can guess that from the people who do, they pass the nut around to see if anyone else can taste the alcohol.  No one can.  When you complain, they tell you to go up to the “guy” and ask for something stronger.

One of the girls did just that and she said it was a little better and then she kept going back… and back.. and back and before you know it, well let me back up.  This girl is from Sweden and I don’t know if everyone from Sweden can drink like this or if she is a special case.  She however has a tell.  It is a drunk tell, and when she is drunk she sings a little song.  Du du dudo do, there is a rhythm to it I can’t really do here in print, but when we hear it we know what is coming next.  Yes, you guessed it, beach wrestling guys. 

So far 3 of us have taken her on, Roy, sorry to say, has one in the loss column, Miguel was surely a draw (part of me thinks he kept it going so long just to keep the wrestling going) and I, yes me, was decisively a victor.  I couldn’t take her gloating and decided to pin her to the sand with a headlock.  Now before you get all, geez Dave she’s a girl.  You don’t understand, she is from Sweden, they grow them differently there, more sinew, leverage.. maybe beach wrestling is compulsory in school there, but before you judge, just know she has a wake of bodies in her path and I wasn’t going to be one of them.

Ok, so the best thing about this beach was that… hmmm how to put this.  David Cross has a great bit about different voices.  There is the gay voice, that lispy lilty voice that not all gay men have but only gay men have and he compares it to the redneck voice that seemingly would identify those with it from a particular area.  Say rural Georgia, but as it turns out the redneck voice seems to be everywhere… including this beach. 

The Bahamas seems to be where people from trailer parks in Georgia go to party on the beach and…. and they are, or seem to be the prime demo for the show Jersey Shore.  I saw more guys, unironically, dressing and acting like their favorite characters from that awesome bit of TV.  I saw a couple of guys on more than one occasion ape the “Situation” and I heard the word Bumpit about 8 times, including a time when one woman was teasing another’s hair for a picture so she would look like she had this magic hair accessory.  They were unbelievably trashy, rude and very drunk.  At least when I get drunk at the beach, (well, if I got drunk on the beach) I would at least have some class.  Enough to keep my beach wrestling to a minimum.


January 21, 2011 - Posted by | Uncategorized


  1. you sir, are a class act.

    Comment by bill | January 21, 2011 | Reply

    • nothin’ but class, you know this.

      Comment by davidsjones | January 21, 2011 | Reply

      • Cable beach is what Miguel said. Couldn’t tell you a single thing about it, except the shoreX guy says it is nice. Even slightly less trashy would be OK with me.

        Comment by davidsjones | January 22, 2011

  2. this is funny, one of the guys I used to work with was the PM/Designer when they were constructing Atlantis. Did you remember the name of the recommended beach you guys skipped?

    Comment by Owen | January 21, 2011 | Reply

    • I don’t but I will ask him

      Comment by davidsjones | January 21, 2011 | Reply

      • whoops, left that in the wrong spot. The beach was Cable beach.

        Comment by davidsjones | January 22, 2011

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